How to Make Your Body "Desirable" 14 Obscene Advices from a Plastic Surgeon Which Uproot Your Life a Small Matter whether You are a Man or a Woman
"There are always some intractable hindrances towards a perfect body: a treadmill which conveniently stands at the window gets broken or some idiot advises me to try peanut butter, Shabbes, Astral, Jianfei, special Chinese breathing exercises for losing weight.
Written by: Andrei Iskornev, plastic surgeon, The Platinental medical director
It is hard to believe, but the best motivation is photos of walkers of both sexes. Of course, we call them lucre-seeking people with lowered social responsibility, but are covertly jealous of their bodies. They are suitable both for commercial use (damn it, we are white collar workers) and galas notwithstanding their appearance. Everything suits a good shape, especially H&M T-shirts. No Egyptian crinkle-resistant cotton $300 is needed: any white sweatshirt slim fit T- shirt will work like an account in a Swiss bank.
But it is known that any progress is backed by pain. According to US stars who had been working on their body for getting a new role (let's not take Charlize Theron into account. She gained 23 kg for the role of a mom of many children in a comedy Tully), for a full upgrade one has to exercise in the gym every day and exclude all food except chicken breast, buckwheat porridge and water-based protein cocktails for six months. Theoretically peanut butter can be included into the defense materials marked as "ketone diet", but with such evidence you will lose the case to an anorexic or young easy rider.
Guys will have to decide at once whether they plan to take growth hormones and testosterone. Considering all pros and cons requires writing another article, so I will only mention that this is risky, but efficient. But what really working pattern is not risky? For instance, when liposuction, stomach bypass or inserting a bariatric ball was healthy? Hormones will seem to be a Sunday-school picnic if compared to this. The main thing is to consult with a good endocrinologist. If you need, I have one.
Women older than 45 are often prescribed to rub AndroGel into the forearm, but this has even more negative consequences, so again, please consult with an experienced endocrinologist.
As for my favourite non-surgical machine procedures, those are RF-vacuum lifting (Reaction, Elmira beauty) combined with shockwave therapy (BTL systems). 10 procedures twice a week are required, firstly for both problematic body areas (back, hips, belly) and after that —all over the body.
My personal life hack: the procedure should be done by a male doctor. This is not sexism: it's a very hard work for a female beautician—an hourly procedure which requires static muscle strain. Here are the names of guys who can help:
Partly because I trained these two for reducing fat on my own hips.
Among the new technologies:
- Cryolipolysis as for me, a rather doubtful technique, although it has some supporters.
- HIFU lipolysis destroying with high-intensive ultrasound such as Ultera/Doublo for body use only) – has to pass clinical trials, but is promising.
- LPG – horse and buggy era.
- Lipolytic injections are working perfectly if one eats only chicken breast and does cardiac exercises every day for a half a year.
Among techniques for surgical fat removal, the following are considered to be the gold standard:
- Body Jet water-jet lipomodelling (surgeon of The Platinental Maksim Vasilev has proven himself as a good specialist in this sphere). It is the only technology which allows to collect the removed fat into a sterile container previously cleaning it from inclusions and place into the organ where it is needed more (e.g., breast or buttocks).
- Ultrasound liposuction (Vaser)—not bad, but still a high risk of a burn exists;
- Radio-wave liposuction (Body Tight) – rapidly gains popularity, first of all, due to the efficiency in dealing with "solid" fat.
- Laser liposuction (the operation allows reducing skin amount rationally and, to my mind, requires a special female aesthetic sense and attentiveness so Regina Tulatova will be your surgeon).
Racing for a perfect body begins immediately after the above-mentioned Chinese New Year. By May, the early birds will fly to the French Riviera. You know what competition is there. The girls would for sure meet in the inevitable Aldo Coppola Monaco. Say nothing about Cipriani Monte Carlo where tables stand so snugly that an imperfect slant of a spine cannot be concealed even from a friend who has pretended to be short-sighted for many years.
Further by the calendar summer will be over different countries and even women from the demimonde will flaunt with complete absence of "under bretelle" fat. Why can't you be as good as them?
So, here are some advices, which will make you closer to recreating at Leonardo DiCaprio's yacht:
1. Order carriage paid special meals for 6 months. Believe me, it is not a very pleasant task itself to cook 5 low-calorie meals.
2. Deal with sex hormones. If their concentration is not enough, it would be practically impossible to gain result. At the consultation I will tell you where to go and inject them.
3. Pay for the course of procedures at The Platinental. You need a fair judge of your success with the technique which improves your personal achievements. Or give the voucher to your closed one as a present.
4. Print out a few nude photos of your favourite movie stars, models (or at least prostitutes) considering the age of the children who live with you. Sexual energy should be present when seeking the body of your dream.
5. Attend a gym. As for me, the best club is Encore Fitness in City, but it's up to you.
6. Find a lover with a good body. Sometimes this is done for money for joining the game, but then it is important to quit: you have to be longed-for without additional investments!
7. Keep up with the fashions. Some day you will put these jeans on bending and without losing balance.
8. Water, water, drink a lot of water. Alkaline, hydrogenous, infused on stones or charged with semi-conductors, whatever.
9. After losing 80% of excessive fat, i.e. as far as you reach the desired shape consult with a plastic surgeon. You know where. The thing is that there is some objective advice which will help reducing the stretched skin, avoid stretch marks and completely destroy the fat in stubborn areas.
10. Do a laboratory test for vitamin D3. This can be done at any express laboratory. The concentration should not be below 50 ng/ml. Otherwise take a monthly injection. Usually it is required to do this 3-4 times per month for reaching stable values.
11. Find a good massage therapist with strong hands. You will need a course of lymphatic procedures.
12. Exclude all food that contains simple sugars and especially sugars masked as fructose. There are a lot of articles devoted to this topic.
13. Milk and cereals contain protein – milk sugar and gluten which affect our opioid receptors. Their hyperstimulation results in social anxiety and overeating. No wonder that children with autism are not allowed eating these products for avoiding aggravation of symptoms.
14. As one of my patients said, when you gain result, don't refuse! Smiling:)